Paildreo

From what Nesvalyn says,
I don't feel like writing about them, at least yet. Let's focus on finding them first.
In case someone finds these notes and I didn't survive the siege, they're a tall gold dragonborn with the purest yellow eye color I've ever seen. Give them my marital braid, and tell them I'm sorry I've failed them, I'll always love them so much, and move forward, I'll always

I don't want to die until I find you. I'll survive the siege, I'll find you, we'll be together again, and that will be all that matters, where I'll be able to introduce you to these wonderful folks in Saltspocket, especially Chef Cook and his ramens. We'll make it, wait for me, as I'll always go after you no matter what.

I don't really know if what Chappell said is true, but I really do hope you're waiting for me, because I haven't forgotten you Paildreo.

What if you were dead and being in the stars is where we go once we perish? Should I accept your death, or look how to bring you back? What should I do Paildreo in this case? What's the best thing to do?

[traces of tears are visible around this part, making slightly harder to read, along the few scratches]
What happened that day, my dear beloved lost one? It was supposed to be your big day, your 20th anniversary, and everything went wrong. I... got contaminated to something that could bring doom to Wundera, you're now walking among stars now, decades have passed and you're the last reason I keep going but... I'm not sure I have strength and the will Paildreo. I love you so much, I would doom Wundera just to be with you one more day. And yet, my senses say I should stay behind, and not to be selfish. We're going through uncharted and dangerous places, and it could be really easy to lose my life... which would mean bringing the end of the world if my body corpse is found and destr broke (shattered? I think even if someone hurts themselves, they can contract it). And when I think about it, if I live long enough, I turn into these... Crystal monsters. Except I would go a for a bigger boom. I'm a danger in all cases. What should I do Paildreo, really? I'm running out of hope and will, please tell me at least that you're still there, somewhere, still you, still waiting for me no matter what I am. Don't have this Please don't be infected and doomed as I am, please. By the Great Mother, please be safe from the fate I live, please.

[slightly traces of tears are visible around this part, but it doesn't bother your reading]
You're still alive. And you're looking for me, as I am looking for you. By the Great Mother, we may be able to reach a middle ground. I just hope you're still somewhere in Wundera. I'm really looking forwards the day we'll be together again, my Love.

If I'm correct and made the link properly, you've been transported to the Astral Sea during The Wyrd. I just need to confirm that by finding your entry in their archives, and it would be the biggest step towards finding each other, I hope I'm right, so at least I would know we are on the same plane.

You're alive. You're here, within grasp, I knew I had the correct hunch looking for you here in the Astral Sea. I'm supposed to be happy to see that... you're doing well? So, you're an Admiral, right Love? That sounds like you're a big shot now. I suppose I should be happy for you that you did well on your own... and honestly I am, even if hearing you talking about being at war with the Minero and killing anyone contaminated with the Minero Morphosis wasn't great... as I suppose I'm part of it, so... what now?
I'm... lost. I just hope you're happy and fine, even if honestly, I didn't imagine you would become this. I recall young ourselves, with you studying arcana on how to make the world a better place, while I was looking into the Past to learn from what our ancestors did, which was a good duo when you think about it.
I just hope that your feelings about me are not part of the past Paildreo, I love you after all this time. I'm dreaming of the moment we would reunite finally... even if meeting you could be the end of my story, for the greater good, because I love you so much that I would accept to sacrifice myself to avoid bringing doom and destruction. I would accept it.
But on the other hand, I still haven't turned, and my travelling companions, accepting who and what I am, may be right: I could be the origin of a cure if I don't turn.
What to do?.. I just hope I can contact you at least, letting you know that I'm alive and close to you, and from that... damn. Don't hate me for something I didn't chose to become Paildreo, that's all I ask and hope from you. Give me a chance.

Ok, it's easier to watch a second time, but still not easy to watch, you know that Love?.. But you're not aware of my condition, and you must've been fighting this for a while, so I guess you know more about this than me, but I still have a glimpse of hope that there's propaganda and that I may change your mind.
Anyway, I noticed you're still wearing the braid, so you didn't gave up on me yet, as I didn't gave up on finding you, which honestly filled me with joy, even if you said I was a target to exterminate, I've seen better mixed signals from you, dear.
Jokes aside, I... just don't know how long it will take to reach you or whatsoever, I guess we have to get an Hyperdrive engine, it would facilitate it.
I need to find a way to contact you at least, I have to prepare the field, at least share my hopes, as perhaps you would be more encline to listen to me the moment we meet.

I... fell into a coma again, which gives two things: When I woke up, my scales shined more (as before, perhaps even more), but more in a crystal vibe, but mostly my... dragon features look like a crystal deposit. I start to look less and less as a dragonborn Paildreo, I'm afraid that I'm starting to run out of time.
But what frightens me the most is that vivid dream... or vision. I dreamt that I got strapped, and these... shadow figures severed me. Piece by piece, tossing it to the floor. The pain, the agony felt like ages. And yet, you were here while I was in between states, standing above me, crying and gathering me up, just saying "It's okay. I can stitch you up."
I... By the Great Mother, if it's a vision, is it what you would do if you learned I am infected Love? That means that meeting you would be the end of my story, at least in my current form. Would it be the beginning of my end, or the end of my beginning?
How obstinate and how far would you go to save me?
I... I just want our happiness Paildreo. If this butchery and putting me in another corpse would be the price to save me, would it be worth it? Decades of never ending pain to potentially save me, would it be worth? And even, could I be fully purged from the Minero Morphosis? If we transfer my soul to another receptacle like in an automaton, would it work? Would I still be Nesvalyn? I...
I'm so scared.
Perhaps at the end, this story was never about you looking for me and saving me, but me looking for you and teach you to let me go, as I'm trying to tell Persy. I don't know with how it's going, if both you and Persy are so alike about this and never letting go, or if I'm going to be at the end in Persy's shoes just because you're obstinate.
But with how it looks, I have more and more this feeling that I won't be come back from our reunion, either metaphorically, or physically. I'm probably lucky to at least see when the story ends, I can prepare my grand finale and end it more or less how I'd like to be.
Luckily for me, it's not right away that we're heading towards you, my Love. I still need to find a way to contact you, and where to reach you.
I should probably warn the group about the visions at least, and perhaps start to think on a letter in case I'm detained directly for the group so they can make an audience with you. Or something like that.
It's been a tough day, with the last target, I... I related to much to her, about her condition and how she was, as we were the same, at the difference that I don't have a 35k credits contract on my head. Or at least yet. (if it's the case, I'll reach the highest amount, you know me). But still, I can't help thinking that was how Khallah felt when she took care of me. I wish I had the chance to thank her to have took care of me during these decades, and that I'm sorry for how I was a burden.
Perhaps... even myself should let it go at one point, it helps with you being you, I guess, I don't know. I sincerely hope that even if our reunion means the end of my story, that this part is just a chapter in their story, that they won't be harmed or put in a bad spot, that it's only you, me and whatever the Great Mother has planned for us.
I should really find a way to write you my ranting and adventures. But I'm still looking up to you Love, I didn't gave up.

You won't believe it Love, but it happened that we got involved into another revolution. I don't really know if it's my anthropologist side who kicks in, or the injustice that I can't stand.
But anyway, it happens that it was a coup from the FCA, and we're going to have an hyperdrive, but mostly, coordinates to where you are. I'm getting closer. I... don't really know how to feel. I'm excited to see you again after all this time, can't wait to hold you, sense you, feel you. Even if it will be probably the last thing I may be able to do. I guess after all I'm a lucky one, as I have the opportunity to tie the loose ends, even if I don't think I'll have the time to say all I have to say to the others, especially Persy, he'll be the last one of us, I need to prepare my departure. But also I wonder what makes Persy, well Persy, and what would make me, me. For Persy, the day we will find the revert machine, would he still be Persy if he turns back to a Tiefling? It's probably part of him now, but he's a smart kid, I just hope he will realize that with his smarts and wits, he can achieve whatever he wants, and that it shouldn't block whatever he accepts his new form, or gets back to his original form. As for me... I feel like it's impacting me deeper, even to my soul. I guess even you decide to do what I saw, and perhaps turning me into a warforged to stop that, I don't really know if it would save me. Or whatever you're planning to do by severing me, if it's your secret plan.
Anyway, I'm still wondering why you enrolled the FCA. I guess it was your chance to survive in there at first. But that war against the Minero? Is it pure promotion, or did you find a way actually to get back to Wundera, and you saw I was infected with the Minero Morphosis? Is it why you're such into that?
When I think about it, we learned that our Plasmoid friend Axel is actually a model of an assassin, were they sent by you for me? I should see if my previous self trigger something in their memory.
So much is going in my mind, I just hope by the time I find you, I'll still be myself, and hopefully, we'll know tomorrow and we'll be there soon. It may be my final entry actually, as tomorrow we have the hyperdrive and your coordinates, I don't think it would take that long, so, who knows what could happen if we don't have an urgent situation.
The only reason I see we stay longer is that Persy and Senri don't get back tomorrow. I heard from Senri, she sounded different I think, but not from Persy, I hope he made it safely, you would appreciate him, really. And the others too. I feel like I'm repeating myself, long day, especially as I wrote at the beginning, I sense it in my corpse, it itches and I need to stretch, I haven't been moving like that for a while, and probably sitting too long recording the day and writing my thoughts.
But yeah, if everything goes as planned and with no emergency rerouting, here's the final entry from your fiance my dear Paildreo, as the next time, I'll tell it directly to you. So much to tell, I just hope you'll listen to me, as I don't plan to leave, and accept what you'll have to do. For the greater good.

[the following part is in common in the original journal]

And as I'll leave a copy of the journal with a letter, and dear travelling companions you'll probably want to investigate after the letter I'll leave in the journal. I'm sorry to have hidden the visions and other elements, pretty hypocritical from someone who was preaching the trust, but I guess I didn't want to spoil the last moments we'll live together, that's definitively selfish from me.
But Persy, Senri, Balnorin and Axel, I hope you'll have the strength to forgive whatever Paildreo has planned for me. I was expecting the worst case scenario and went willingly, knowing it was the end of my tale. As I'll have written in my farewell letter and perhaps told you, don't morn me, I'm just an old dragonborn who cheated death for decades, and that the Great Mother is calling back. Don't be sad that it ended my friends, be happy it happened. Farewell, my friends, and see you soon, my Love.
[traces of tears are visible after the last sentence]

[Multiple beginnings of sentences are present, but at the end, the same word stands out in these, and finally, one word isn't crossed out, among the traces of tears]
Why?

I guess having my journal back and writing to you helps a bit. I don't know where to start since, aside when we met again, that kiss... I don't know what to think about it Love, it was supposed to be our reunion and a new start, but actually it was the beginning of your time with Or. Part of me is mad against you, you know that? But I'm mostly mad to myself, if I didn't got infected I... and yet why did you kissed me, knowing that, was it really worth it?
...
The thing is, it was, that small moment, and I felt like it was only the two of us, and nothing else matters... I miss you even more Paildreo, I'll get you back and save you from Or, I'll find a way, I just hope they won't turn you against me, but I believe in your will, you waited for me for almost a century, just hold a little more, please.

I... that bastard. They don't know that even dead, I'll make everything to be at your sides as your Ancestral Guardian, always watching for you. And even right now, I'm still with you as long you believe in me, don't let that fey bastard think he owns you, because no one should.

We did it Love, we finally got rid of that Black Spot, we can finally fully focus on taking down that Dumblord, and it's been... quite a ride. Where should I start?
After a bold move from Axel, and by bold, they shot themselves in the head and died to provoke an explosion from their gun, so that the soul crystal shattering would give enough energy to open a portal that would lead to the Death Inc CEO, and it did. Even if I wasn't fully sure of what happened with the adrenaline, I didn't had much time to reflect on that, but Persy seemed to have got everything from the start. And it is pretty weird to say that, but the CEO is pretty... nice? That's not really what I would've expected from someone from that company, but he seemed pretty detached from what his company does.
But mostly, when we plead our cause, he removed the contract, and offered us a better ship, and Love, you would love that ship, I even see where you could set your lab when you'll be back and safe, AND THAT SHIP BY THE GREAT MOTHER IT'S SUCH A BEAUTIFUL CRAFT FROM THE GIANTS! IT'S- probably something I should write down later, and also, better that you see it yourself, he he he.
To get back to the CEO, when we mention that an Archfey from Wundera is after us, he was pensive as Wundera was a name he didn't heard for ages apparently. With Persy, we wondered if he was a Wonder or from Wundera, and once we asked, he shared his whole story. I couldn't help to relate to us Love, as if our tale and its declinations would be a classic trope you would hear from the legends. But mostly, that makes me think, in his story, that person loved so much his partner that life after life after life (or nonlife in this case), he would accumulate so much knowledge he ascended to godhood, and even made a plan and created Death Inc in multiple universes to be able to catch his lover's soul.
That's the short version of course, but... how far would you go to save me, Paildreo? You already made a deal to buy both of us time, and perhaps it fully saved me, but would you go as far as Death Inc CEO? I... know I don't have the strength. I wasn't even able to trade you with that trinket I've been carrying on almost since I emerged from the coma... even if from a global point of view, that was the best decision, as it happens I've been able to influence the outcome of a few situations and be sure that the me of now is always in the most favorable timeline, it's a fragment of a god, I would say even a fragment of power from a Wonder.
But to get back, I don't know, if it's because I'm a bit selfless and worry about the others that I'd sacrifice myself, or my happiness if that can solve a bigger issue. I'm still mad at myself for not taking you, but as Persy said, it was probably the best thing to do, at least for the long term, as they... well, you're experiencing that at the moment, burying so many versions of me who didn't made it so far, just to break you, so if they had also (even partially) the power to be in a more favorable timeline when attempting some things, it could be really bad.
And yet... I'm so sorry for leaving you behind Paildreo. I hope you'll forgive me, and wait for me, we're coming for you.
That's why I keep writing my adventures and thoughts, as to begin with, I guess for me it can help to see how far I've come, but also, I guess it's just another way to keep my link with you. I can't believe I've wrote so much to you, even far away. You were so right after Thean's death, I realize it even more today, "You grow around their absence instead. It's just another way they shape you."
...and yet for me, I only had to go through a couple of decades without you, wondering where you went, whereas you had to go for a century without me, at least on Wundera. I really hope we'll have the chance to catch up, as you spent your side climbing up the FCA ranks and looking for a cure, without even being sure you would see me again. And even when we reunited, you held yourself because you knew... but perhaps there was some truth behind and the others may be contaminated one day, but I hope not. And yet you cave in, you're an idiot, you know that?.. but I shouldn't said that, you waited for a century, you earned, I'm still a bit sour about that, but yet, this single moment... I miss you so much.
However, you've been strong for so long Love, I guess that kiss, aside celebrating me being back in the game, is also you passing the relay and trusting me from now on. That's what I like to think, and you know I'll do everything to save you, and even that feel you had, you know I'll stand by your side, no matter what. Either alive, or as a spirit guardian, and these Breathforges won't stop me to protect you.
... I realize it was to talk about what happened with the CEO and after that, and yet it came to me expressing my feelings about you. But I guess that's true, no matter what, I love you Paildreo, and I can't express enough how lucky I am to have met someone like you in my life, and shared it for this short amount of time, and once we're done with Or, we'll have many stories and adventures to live, starting by trying to find a cure, and that narcissist being, well, narcissist, I hope they gave you the physical age of your prime, and not just the looks, hoping we could live at least 60 Wunderan years, which is way more than I can imagine.
I have so much to tell still about that day, and trying to focus back on that, luckily now that we're back on the Astral Sea and resuming our adventures, I have time again to write the adventures on my side, and as I said, writing them to you, giving you strength mentally, being there without being here. We still have two days left, I'll go check how the others are doing, and probably exploring a bit with the others, it won't change much when reading it, but there will be probably a little more to add when to get back, some stuff did drastically change, other stuff, they don't.
See you in a bit Love, hold on, love you and miss you.
SJ Ice Falcon, Archeologist's log, Wunderan date... actually I have no idea, I'll have to count how long since we left Wundera. 37 days? And apparently time doesn't pass the same everywhere, but apparently it's been 5, let's say 6 weeks since we discovered the Galaxsea and the rest. That seems crazy... And we lived on our scale around 4 weeks since I arrived to Saltspocket, so we've been together for around 10 weeks... and a season flew by when we were exploring the Grove of Spring, so technically, it has been at least half a year since we arrived at Saltspocket. So many things happened in 10 weeks, we've been through so much, and honestly the few hours after Dertrine have been crazy too, right? I mean we shared that part together, even if we didn't reunite yet.
But let's resume the story from Minavra and our encounter with Death Inc CEO, shall we Love?
So after reflecting from the story of the CEO, something he mentioned at the end was the name of his lover, which was Willum. And the fact he was from Wundera, and we knew a Willum when we all arrived at Saltspocket, well... actually it was the same Willum.
I don't think I talked much about Willum to you actually, as, well... I didn't wrote much to you, not that I wasn't think of you, quite the opposite, but I was more focused on gathering what was happening to me and around me I suppose. Well, even if I got distracted with the liberation of Saltspocket (and happened to explore a Giants' tomb, couldn't help it, sorry), it was Willum actually who made me realize "Maybe I should ask around if you were there". Even if by the time I wrote, I learned the truth on my side, so I wouldn't be able to find you on Wundera, but it's pretty funny I felt I had to go to the North Continent to find you, which is were the Needle is, aka the entry point to Wundera. I'm still wondering if it's related to the Wonders and the Giants' vanishing. But anyway, Willum, outside his bloodlust and whatever was inflicting him, was probably the one who believed the most that we would be reunited, he was such an optimistic person, and I mean he was right, we were reunited, even if it was for a brief moment, it was a small respite of a few hours. And I'll do everything to get you back. But the point is, Willum was also looking for someone too, he was looking for Ludwig, which you kind of met, you know the tiger person in the ramen booth. But as you may have seen our merry band of weirdos, Willum wasn't part of it, as he was killed by Ludwig in a duel. Perhaps it was the best, especially with his bloodlust and control loss, but he tried to be a better person and his past always caught him, that's how it is. But I'll never forget his attempt to be better, and believing in us.
But coincidently, it happened that the CEO was talking about our Willum, which actually made Persy and I realize it was Logarius, Willum's husband. Also when writing about this, at this point there's only Persy and me present from the Saltspocket, with sometimes Reylynn when she's back, but that's another story to write I suppose.
The fact we met Logarius, we had the chance the see Willum for the last time and hear his last words, even if Persy was pretty mad at him, which when reflecting, it was pretty funny. And I was there, to his last words, realizing how right he is: "The best paradise is to spend time with people you love". I guess we're both in our personalized hell, I mean especially you, I suppose burying me over and over, I... By the Great Mother... Part of me hope they're alternative me who died, and each one of me has his soul rejoining you to protect you, giving you strength until one alive Nesvalyn reaches you.
It's really hard to write what's been happening to me, especially when I saw what you're living, I'd like to do more, but again, I can't do much unfortunately. I can only promise you that I won't give up and we're working on taking that Dumblord down, hold on.
To get back to the story, we asked Logarius if they had something to say to Ludwig, he asked us to take him, and we got back to the Breathforge, with a changed Axel who halted the war while we were gone. But mostly alive, as I don't recall if I wrote it, but they fucking shot themselves in the head, that was... reckless. But somehow it turned out fine, as they ascended temporarily, and they changed fully, being more... human? Like they feel properly and all the morality and emotions developed. If it was only the cost of shooting yourself in the head, I would be surprised, but Sabine, who was our guide on Minavra and helped us, they... almost died by protecting us from the explosion. And it left a really nasty scar on Sabine which will impact her life, and also will be a burden on her, and if Axel really developed their feelings, it will be Axel's first burden. I feel sorry for them, they just developed that they have one of the hardest part of this. I feel also sorry for Sabine, we were supposed to protect her, and in the end, she got injured because of us. I hope at best we find something to cure her fully, and at worst, that time heals and will be less harsh towards Axel, but only time will tell.
Finally, as I wrote yesterday, we got this Giant's frigate ship, feels a bit like home, not fully as we're not Giants, but having a Wunderan ship, it helps. I wonder if we can already prepare a lab or something similar, perhaps I can ask Persy or other crew member.
I mean, apparently once we're done with Or, there's apparently a Greater Evil we need to deal with according to Logarius, which also we would be able to contact anytime, I wonder how... But it's also scary that we are predetermined for... that. I wonder what it could, I'm just afraid that it's me, as we got separated, and perhaps if you were there, you would be able to slow down the progression, or stop it fully? It's... I... By the Great Mother, let's just not. I shouldn't worry much, as the worst case scenario from what we've seen at the base were the hybrids. They sensed I wasn't part of the Morphoids, and they asked me to betray my friends then to ascend, I hope the ascension is a choice, and not a call to resist. So far, I hear nothing, but they talked to me when I was nearby... but I'll hold on until you're free, and then, I'll hold on as long you're on my side.
But still, how are we supposed to contact Logarius once we're done with Or? Even if honestly I wouldn't mind taking a short break to reconnect with you, and be sure you're fine.
Actually, it was the second time Persy met Logarius, as the first time it was when we were in Nowhere (literally), but Persy wasn't affected as he ended in the front of the CEO as he hid in the Portable Hole.
Wait.
Does that mean Logarius is related to the portable hole?
Or does that mean that the entity that was stuck in the portable hole is tied to the principle of Death and because it is tied to Death, the closest element present at that moment was Logarius?
...or perhaps it's both? It's... too much for that old eepy dragonborn after finishing to redact our adventures, ugh. That's so much theories and ideas, let's rest on that and talk about this with Persy and brainstorm with the group nearby, we'll see, with some luck, I'll be able to gather the group before we arrive to our destination, otherwise, it's something I'll put on hold. But it felt good to write again in the journal, as Persy was keeping the journal and the marital braid thing, but I guess I'll hold to that, I mean I'm going to arrive to interrupt your marriage, I have to prepare something as a counter-offer, right? Tihihi.
Who fought that this compilation of paper would help me so much going through... this. I wonder what I wrote in the journal I had during the Wyrd, and what stuff you've read through to keep hope.
I wonder if you wrote in that journal too, to keep a link while the beauty dragonborn archeologist was sleepy, back at home...
You'll have to tell me Love, but until then, I'll be there with you. I'll rejoin you, and save you, no matter what, I promise. A Mysthrallan has only one word after all.

So much happened in a single day Love, I'm not even sure where to start... I'm not even sure it's worth writing it, as we got the invitation for the wedding, that means I'll be there soon. Please hold on a little more, I'm almost there.